Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
