her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Michael Bay diarrhea
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
