anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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