You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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