No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
