He kissed a someone with a penis
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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