I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
