She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have feelings that need drinking.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
