Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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