Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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