i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
