Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
