one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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