wat bout pragnant strippers??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
