THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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