Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
