Need sex. Gaining weight.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
