found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
