I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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