i just snorted my name. best moment ever
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
