my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They took my balls.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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