It was confusing and full of hummus
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
