ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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