Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
