I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
