I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
