So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
