Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
