that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
