just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
how drunk are you?
Several
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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