Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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