life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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