i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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