I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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