I just cut my nipple shaving
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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