he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
