is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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