party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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