hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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