I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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