I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
