i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
