I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you had me at cake vodka
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
