I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
