Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
