I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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