ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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