It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
