dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
