ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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