maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
