sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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