You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
