Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the day after is always just damage control
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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