i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
