i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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