please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
