A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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