If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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