i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
