she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think I sprained my soul last night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
