Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
