So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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