I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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