took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He? As in you personified your dick?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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