I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
