If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
