i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
