I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
