Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
