i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
