Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
